to worry; she will be back. If you live in NJ and really want to find her, just lean out your window, wave a $1000 dollar bill and make noises like Eliot Spitzer.
Yet another kid had plans to bomb his school. They want to give him a mental health evaluation. Ya think? Tell you what, this one's fine, go find the students who don't want to do some serious damage to their schools and universities; those are the ones with derailed trolleys, or that's what the media would like us to believe. According to them, the majority of educational misfits are hatching schemes to leave their mark on society as well as the campus. Um, kids? Yeah, you with the black clothes and the sour expression and the rifle. Do us all a favor and when the frustration and anger get unbearable, go piss on your prof's tires or tp the frat house. Why this compelling need to take as many people out with you as possible? Look, let me know your address and I'll send you one bullet, but you have to promise to use it where it will be the most beneficial. True, it'll be hard for you to kill your ungrateful classmates if you shoot yourself first, but they'll forgive you. And don't worry; the media will give you plenty of attention, even with a low body count. Whatever happened to closing yourself up in your car or your room and screaming at the top of your lungs until you were exhausted? Trust me, that is great therapy, and nobody gets hurt. What's wrong with that? How about a nonviolent method to vent your inner demons? Geez, I remember days when I didn't want to talk to anybody and I was sure the world was against me, but I would beat up on my pillow or take a long walk, or spill my guts out to a tape recorder. You know what? All those processes worked. Not instantly, but eventually I got better and the world got friendlier. Wiping out half the student body not only does nothing for your anger, it will not endear you to the public.
Of course, the people's morbid fascination is a great incentive for these emotionally stunted whiners to indulge their appetite for mayhem. Maybe if we quit watching, the cap and gown commandos will disarm. Hey! Get over yourselves! Just because you think nobody understands you is no reason to explain everything with a bomb. That doesn't leave much room for discussion. If you're so determined to thrill us with your explosive personality and dynamite social skills, I know some people in Iraq who'd love to meet you.
I recall cherry bombs going off almost weekly in the johns at my high school. Imagine the reactions if that happened today. Schools would become even more of an armed camp than they are now. Here's an idea: instead of investing all that money in metal detectors and security guards, let's buy a few stupidity detectors and put 'em at the entrances. Those would work well everywhere, now I think about it. Malls, movies, bowling alleys, paintball arenas, face painting shops. Well, maybe not face painting shops; they'd go out of business.
Copyright © 2008 thehumorsmithchronicle
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