Homonecide

Ah, what a country. Anything's possible. Entrepreneurs are everywhere you look, as are oportunities. I guess I just haven't been looking in the right places, or perhaps I don't recognize opportunity even when it's right in front of me sleeping on the sidewalk.

Two women, 77 and 75 years old, came up with the unique idea of offering homeless men food and shelter, then insuring them for lots of money and killing them. This is the kind of stuff they don't write about in Fortune magazine, and I have a sneaking hunch the SBA would be reluctant to help you get started up, but it's a very novel way to make a living,and it's a much more eco-friendly idea than lighting 'em up with kerosene and matches. That is so old school. It also would help to come up with a snappy name for your death monetization business, something that says it succinctly, and since I'm always here for you, consider this a freebie: Homonecide,LLC. Trust me, as you generate more and more product, the limited liability aspect will be a lifesaver. To play it really safe, limit your advertising to the back pages of your city's free weekly paper, and call it pest removal. Try to get placed on the same page as "massage parlors". I hear your confusion, but your business is really about getting rid of rodents just like theirs is really about massage. You'll do fine.

That's the thing about America. You can do anything you want; there is virtually no limit other than your imagination. Thankfully, very few folks have this kind of imagination, but if anyone ever figures out a way to make a profit off maladjusted college students with a weapons cache, look out. The first steps are already there. Fame is instantaneous; with all the news outlets scrambling for video fodder, that's a no-brainer. The money bit's still a bit tricky, but look how close OJ got with his proposed book detailing exactly how he didn't kill Brown and Goldman.

Think about it. If things had turned out differently, we would be reading Oswald's book "I Should've Gotten A Better Rifle And An Air Ticket To Cuba", or Mark Chapman's "No, I'm Really The Walrus", or Manson's "Hell Yeah, I Did It". Now that I think about it, the hard part isn't getting the money. The hard part is stopping people from buying.



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