Nothing For Money

Maybe it's time to bring back the barter system. It's true there are some online sites offering just that, but I think it'd be great if I could go to the grocery store, load up a basket, then tell the clerk I'll write her twelve speeches and sixty pages of assorted humor in trade.There's where a sense of humor could come in really handy.

Humor is what I intend to make a living on, which is why it's especially terrific to be living at this particular point in time, when material for the HumorSmith forge is plentiful. You wanna talk about gross national product? Try this for example: The Ashley/Spitzer sitcom. Here's this talentless, (well, at least musically), young thing with the best rack money can buy, who gets outed as a call girl when the gov gets busted, and suddenly she's making mega $$$ off her songs and is inundated with offers from various skin mags for her to pose nude for yet more money. Yes, America's a great country, but we really do have an unfortunate propensity to grant the wrong people their 15 minutes. If you think I'm being too harsh, wait a few months/years. I guarantee there are quite a few young men and women right now who have found new role models. And don't forget the collateral damage; all of a sudden, Paris Hilton looks good.


Today, it's all about that pesky folding green stuff. Great if you have some, not so good if you don't. Guess which camp I'm in? Good news is it'll only take about 30 seconds to file my taxes this year. I promise myself next year to use H&R Block; it's important to have goals. Lest you think I've just been wasting all this free time, no way. I have been getting in touch with myself. You should see the stack of letters I've written to me, and the long distance calls, wow. Although I've cut down on those since I found myself. While we're on that subject, I'm telling you all the New Age gurus and self-help folks are making it way too tough. They all tell you to find yourself, and some people make a career of it. It's not a challenge. Know how I found myself? I just looked down one day and there I was, and the two of us are doing just fine, thank you.

Being in touch and located makes life a lot easier, and I have really learned to be a self-contained operating system. I am just fine alone,my needs are taken care of, microwave meals and packaged salads work just dandy, and the sex? Well, um....let's not go there. The double whammy of divorce and unemployment really just pisses me off, but what can you do? Some days priority # 1 is to find a woman, sometimes it's to find a job. Lately I've been saving time by looking for a woman who has a job,and is willing to share her income. That may be a whole new idea for a singles dating site: women looking for unemployed men. When she asks me what I do, I can smile and bat my eyes seductively and tell her,"Nothing for money."

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