Cardiac Unrest

Years and years into this love thing, and I still don't get it. All I know for certain is it's very hard on the heart. Even with the plethora of dating sites and advice books available, I am still looking for my babe in the woods...or wherever else she may be hiding. I am not fond of the bar scene, and online dating sites scare me, but how else am I supposed to meet women?




If you have not been to one of those sites, let me save you some time reading the profiles...all the women love to laugh. Wow, what a revelation, eh? They also like travel, and they like cuddling and holding hands and kissing, but mysteriously, the "s" word never appears.

All the men like to laugh also, and they have dogs and interesting hobbies around the house, but again, that word is missing. Honestly, I believe as many women as men are hoping for some action from these sites, but it just ain't right to come out and say so. Why, that would mean people would have to admit they like....sex! *gasp*. Don't worry about it; it's just part of the double standard, Puritan/libertine mind dichotomy in the US, and another reason love and sex are so confusing for many people.

Do you realize admitting you like sex can consign you to eternal damnation? Or is that eternal frustration? It figures, though. For many, a good mind f*** is perfectly fine, and they want us to join them. Not me, though, I've got my preferences. And calluses on my hand. And glasses. Oh, and when I looked up calluses, here's what I found: "A localized thickening and hardness of the horny layer of the skin." So apparently when someone says they are really horny, they mean it.

The key question is, "what do women/men want, and is it ever the same thing?" Yeah, right. You've got a better chance of making a moon landing in a Hummer. Or of getting a hummer whenever you ask. When the hormones take over, it's libido time and everything is terrific. When the logic circuits kick in, things are still okay, but sometimes they look, well, ordinary, which is never a good state for love. What can you do? Why the hell are you asking me? If I had love figured out, you can be pretty sure I'd have something better to do at night than blog.

I also keep hearing and reading about how much women love comedians. C'mon....do you think Carrot Top gets laid every night? If you know he does, keep it to yourself, or I'll have to eat my gun. Trust me, this blog has gotten me zero female companionship, though I did hear from a lovely therapist. She sounded wonderful. She even wanted to see me three times a week....at $350 an hour. I know better places to spend that much with better results.

Thing is, I'm still as relationship challenged as when I started, but I am very sure Dr.Phil is a moron, so I guess there is a positive side to this mess.






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