Neighbors complained about the noise a couple was making fighting with each other. It was loud, it was disturbing, and it sounded like it was about to become violent, so they called the law. When Phoenix officers responded, they found a man and...well, that's all, actually. A man. Yelling in a falsetto and his normal voice. Playing both sides against each other. One guy. I suppose this was the next logical step in relationships. We've got hetero couples, gay couples, and now, single couples.
I know it's tough to find the one, I know it's a struggle to make two equal harmony, but this seems a bit extreme. I think this guy just gave up on finding someone to love him as much as he did, so this is the result. I call it lazy. Sure, there are times in the heat of battle when we are beside ourselves, but this fella (?) took it literally.
The more I thought about it, the more sort of twisted sense it made. I mean, he certainly wasn't going to get nagged constantly about the housework. I'm pretty certain that was equally shared. Who would cook? Obviously, s/he would. Laundry...same answer. Sex? What the hell, most guys are in love with their hand anyway, so this doesn't seem like much of a leap. How could s/he ever not be in the mood? The age old question, "Does this make my ass look fat?", is no longer a trap. The answer is, "Well, half of it anyway."
Matter of fact, the only drawback I can see is if in the midst of a heated discussion he tells her to go screw herself. That's one image I definitely don't need, thanks very much.
As for buying clothes, there's only one answer. The annual 1/2 off sale. Physical fitness may be tricky, though. If s/he enters a marathon, I figure instant disqualificaion would ensue. After all, it's a marathon, not a drag race.
Copyright © 2008 thehumorsmithchronicle
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