Actually a bit chilly here in the Valley of the Sun today. It's only in the mid '50's, and I am wearing a coat. I had to dig it out of a packing box and dust off the mothballs, (you have any idea how tiny those little freaker's balls are?), and set it outside for a good airing, but it still fits and keeps me warm. True, I might be warmer if I put on jeans instead of shorts, but the reason I moved to AZ in the first place was so I could run around barelegged whenever I wanted. I am not gonna wimp out now, believe me.
Valley of the Sun is a relatively recent term for the Phoenix area. It used to be called "hotter than frickin' hell", but Valley of the Sun looks better on postcards. We get lots of snowbirds here this time of year, but the cowards cut and run around May or June. What a bunch of losers. Anybody can handle temps in the '50's-'70's, but it takes a special kind of
There are lots of advantages to living here. I can get a tan in about 5 minutes. I can drive with the top down, especially if I don't mind getting my scalp nuked. I can sweat whenever I want. I can play the exciting game "I wonder if this is the summer we'll run out of water?" I can laugh at those who live in frozen parts of the country, at least until May. I don't have to walk very far to see a cactus. I have all the sand I can eat. I can easily distinguish between the sound of a baby's rattle and a baby rattler, and I know how to quickly react to either.
All in all, living in a place that's habitable only 6 months of the year isn't all that bad. Trust me, after the first couple years, you get used to not going outside from May to October, and that's when the underground tunnel system really comes in handy. The mayor and governor don't want that to get out, but it's true. People in Phoenix never travel on the surface in the summer, they use the tunnels that were dug 20 years ago. The original plan had been a subway system, but they ran out of money, and since most Phoenicians love to walk anyway, they just dropped the idea and left the tunnels open.
There, now you know how we stay here all year long and live to talk about it. Just don't tell anybody you heard it from me. Governor Napolitano can be real mean and unforgiving.
Copyright © 2008 thehumorsmithchronicle
3 comments:
I think I love you.
That's all I'm sayin...
Hee hee. I'm so glad to have the temperature drop below 120 here that I am, literally, dancing in the streets.
Despite not having a booty, my dance of preference is the booty dance. I guess, you have to see it, to believe...
As a native Phoenician I remember having survived 122 degree heat. I now live in NC and that is all I hear,"but it's a dry heat". I tell people to stick their head in an oven preheated to 350 and then tell me it's a dry heat.
Hee hee. Thank you for apologizing for your gender. I do the same thing when Nannies tell me about the horrific women they work for. I just can't believe my ears.
Arizona...so many awesome hotels have invited me to visit and treat me like a queen. I just can't get past the HEAT.
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