Try This At Home

Incidentally and apropos of absolutely nothing, have you ever noticed how pants of the same exact size from different manufacturers will vary a great deal in comfort and fit? When I put these jeans on I thought someone had sneaked in, knocked me down and put my gonads in a vise, then used nautical rope, tied the belt loops to a herd of elephants,flogged the beasts into a frenzy which caused them to stampede, which yanked the pants up over my hips and then the bastards used industrial pliers and 300 pound test fishing line to zip and button them. And they've gotten worse throughout the day. There's probably a whole post there, but I am in agony and it will have to wait.


Is watching TV bad for you? If you do it while playing with a can of gasoline and a lighter, yes, but I don't recommend that. Save for that, TV is rather benign on the whole. I have a "I'll leave you alone if you promise not to creep into my subconscious and implant images of Dr.Phil" attitude toward the eye that never sleeps.

Remember the Parents Television Council, the watchdog group whose goal is to monitor the number of swear words and gunshots during Spongebob Squarepants? The problem with groups like that is they try to get rid of bad programs,rather than get rid of programs that are bad.

Bad programs like your average crime show as opposed to The Apprentice, for example. Do we really need groups to watch over us like this? I grew up with a steady diet of movies and TV shows that were violent, and I haven't killed anyone. Yet. Besides, violent entertainment doesn't kill people, death kills people.

The folks who go out and try dangerous stunts they see on TV and in films have their own set of issues. I say let them go and perform anything they want...on themselves. I am a firm believer in thinning the herd, and this is one of the best ways. If you're a big enough idiot to think you can jump your Schwinn over 40 parked cars with your leathers and helmet on fire while a monster truck is heading for you, then you have found your most useful function in life. Yes, self destruction is the perfect career for you.

So there you have the two major killers we face today: death and stupidity.

What about Dr.Phil you say? Well, stupidity alone isn't always fatal. There has to be some participation on the part of the moron involved. Participation which involves something more dangerous than appearing with Oprah.




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