A unitard is one really dumb guy.
Ever start to tell a joke to a coworker and realize halfway through it's highly inappropriate? Yep. It was too late to stop though, so I went ahead. I think I need a safety switch on my tongue. I used to not worry about such things, but everyone is so damned uptight these days. I'm not really crude, but some of my material is PG-13.
Maybe I should wear a warning label. How come people can't laugh at life anymore?
I used to worry folks wouldn't take me seriously, but I have never taken them seriously, so why would they? The worst that could happen is..
Nope. Not even gonna go there.
Now I have to filter everything before I speak. Remember the old saw about it being better to remain silent and be thought a fool? Whatever. I don't even err on the side of caution. Why is it so hard to be a comedian and maintain gainful employment? Being broke has a negative impact on my humor, but I can't help myself.
I think just about everything is funny. I think having fun at work is wonderful. Customers respond in a good way to the yuk yuks. Management doesn't always, and I are one. So I wear two masks at work, and sometimes I forget to change them. My biggest laugh usually comes when I see my paycheck, but what the hell. If I wanted to be rich, I'd. Well, I do want to be rich, but there's no reason to be morbid about it. Somehow I must find a way to make "Hey, HumorSmith, did you finish that assignment?"
"No, but this guy walked into a bar..." work in my favor.
Just because I am funny doesn't mean I'm a bad worker. It mystifies me how I manage to shoot myself in the foot without a gun. I shoot my mouth off too, sans weapon. I'm gonna make a movie. An action film wherein I am the buff, take no guff, courageous and humorous protagonist. I'll call it "Mirthful Weapon", and it will make lots of money and inspire the frustrated retail comics who just want to be rewarded for bringing the funny. Donald Trump will see it and realize the value of lightening up, and donate his money to me so that I can make more movies about the beautiful oxymoron "workplace humor".
That flapping sound you hear is nothing to be frightened of. It has to do with monkeys and my posterior. See? I can apply the filter when necessary.
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4 comments:
I've realized I'm unemployable. I can't keep my smart ass mouth shut.
We all need to lighten up. It's trite but laughter really is the best medicine.
i would rather have you as my store manager if that makes you feel any better........
I've embarrassed my family. At my father's funeral. At Arlington National Cemetery. Because when the priest asked if he was interrupting us talking I replied "not if you enjoy porn."
Feel better? I refuse to NOT be funny. I did that for a few years but it turns out I just can't help myself. I'm not aiming to be popular, I'm aiming to make even one priest laugh.
And he did.
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