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Saturday, January 22, 2011

GIGO

You ever get told by someone that you have treated everybody like garbage and hurt their feelings and made them leak salty tears out their ass and reduced them to sniveling towers of Jell-O and caused them to question their existence and want to shove a curtain rod down their throat to commit suicide because all their lives they have totally misunderstood the phrase, "It's curtains for you, kid"? And besides, they never liked those drapes anyway?

No? So it's just me again? Figures. What really grinds my nuts is I wasn't told exactly how I treated people like garbage, so my mind being the uncontrollable force it is came up with its own image.



Everyone knows this is completely absurd. I would never do that to a person. I'd use the recycling bin.

But this is precisely what happens when I'm not given specifics about something I said or did that was very bad, not even a sliding scale. Is the incident a 1 or a 10? How about a 200, say, like dropping a thermonuclear device on a children's hospital? See? You see how my mind works? I need details people.

If I said something hurtful, tell me what it was and I'll apologize. Unless I think it's really funny, in which case whatever horrible thing you want to do to yourself because of it is fine with me.

I'll hold the drapes.

I promise not to laugh.

Too loudly.







photo by melanie cookie


Copyright © 2011 thehumorsmithchronicle

11 comments:

Pearl said...

Hm. Your crimes against humanity? I've no idea, but rest assured that they're greater than some people's and considerably lesser than others'!

Pearl

HumorSmith said...

Pearl: Um...thanks? So I have committed crimes against humanity? Other than posting to my blog?

THE SNEE said...

Apparently Humor Smith and The Snee both have garbage and recycling on their blog minds. Does that make us horribly trashy, or simply wasteful? teeheehee

Unfinished Rambler said...

I can't think of anything hurtful you've done either...well, except for like you said, these posts. ;) But they're hurtful in a good way...to the funny bone.

Anna Lefler said...

Feeling pretty good about my Venetian blinds right now.

Er, I think.

~ A.

Venom said...

Dude, You're okay by me.

But, what the heck is a bubula?

If that means Grandmother or something that implies I am older than you (which I am not), I won't deepthroat a curtain rod*, I will kick your ASS.

*deepthroat demo - you'd like that, wouldn't you?
Hah! Bet you're not thinking about your Gramma now, are ya? Or... are you? Because........ yech, man.

HumorSmith said...

Snee: I prefer to think of myself as wastefully trashy.

Unfinished: Thanks! I can send some liniment if you'd like.

Anna: Yeah, those are a bit harder to swallow. Unless you get blinds drunk. Get it? "Blinds"? Ah hahahahaha....hmmm...I think that was another crime against humanity.

Venom: Eww! Sadly I was actually thinking of Mulder's inside man on X-Files. Which somehow makes this whole situation worse.

Venom said...

Dude, ex-files?
You really need to get laid.

Also, still no satisfactory definition of 'bubula', which leads me to believe that you also need an ASS kicking...

HumorSmith said...

Venom: I thought that was quite evident to everybody.

Pearl said...

Hm. Your crimes against humanity? I've no idea, but rest assured that they're greater than some people's and considerably lesser than others'!

Pearl

HumorSmith said...

Venom: I thought that was quite evident to everybody.