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Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Seattle Doesn't Need Foreplay


Maybe I'm not in the right frame of mind to post. Not like that would stop me. Sometimes a crummy mood can produce comedy genius. And sometimes not.

I am now absolutely positive sunshine is necessary to get me off my ass, perk up my 'tude and get me moving and motivated. Yesterday was gorgeous, blue skies and sunny, albeit a bit chilly and I was grinning and bouncing around like Barney on crack.

Today it's back to the perpetual Seattle gloom and I want to kill something. Seattle is like my ex was in the early stages of courtship when I still floated her boat: always wet.

I always suspected I was a sun demon, and now I know for certain. This city truly sucks. Yet, if you talk to people who actually choose to live here, they will rave about its beauty and go on and on about their love of hiking and snow skiing, and walking in the rain and cold weather.

For those of us who don't do any of those things, and who like warmth, well.....tough. Why do I live here? you ask. Okay, you didn't, but let's pretend. I live here because I spent most of the last 10 years carefully dismantling my finances.

Take heart successful ones, you too can reduce yourself to little more than an overdraft charge in life's ledger  simply by not giving a damn. Things you want cost too much? Say, "I don't give a damn," and buy them anyway. That's just one of the helpful tips you'll find in my forthcoming book, "I Need A Wallet Like Stevie Wonder Needs A Telescope". 


Copyright © 2012 thehumorsmithchronicle

12 comments:

  1. I love that title of your upcoming book. Careful--you might be closing in on success here.

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  2. Thanks Steve. It is fervently hoped for. And this time I know how to hang onto it.

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  3. My friend, buy yourself one of those lamps that emits light similar to sunshine -- and get some vitamin D supplements.   Seriously, these will help.   Can't wait to read the book.  Yep.  Now that you've got a title, you actually have to write it.  

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  4. I think I would really like a copy of that book when it comes out!

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  5. I was born and raised in Phoenix and couldn't wait to get to greener and cooler pastures.  I moved to Flag at 18, lived in Iowa for 6 years, and now I'm in Colorado.  The heat was a little too much heat for me.  To each their own!  Hope you get over your funk soon.  I usually have funky, crummy moods on Wednesdays.

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  6. I dunno. Living in a sunny spot is like rooting for the Yankees. Too easy.

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  7. I tried walking around for a couple of days. Nobody asked me what I didn't  give a damn about. I aroused no more interest than another ant at the picnic. Perhaps, it is necessary to snarl, grimace, or cry to arouse an emotional response anymore to any thing other than a political debate. We all need a rest from this  overdraft of our foreplay accounts, How much longer before we reach a collective climax? 

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  8. I like easy. Over under sideways down too.

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  9. Jeez. You always think of stuff I can do to make me feel better. Knock it off.

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