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Wednesday, March 14, 2012

What Did You Call Me?


If you're a fat conservative with a radio show you're not funny. If you're a middle-aged liberal in $1000 dollar suits with an HBO show you are funny.

It's a shame Rush Limbaugh didn't know that before he called Sandra Fluke a slut. But then why would he think he'd get in trouble after Bill Maher called Sarah Palin a c*** and a twat and the Obama-lama-ding-dongs happily accepted his million dollar donation to their Super PAC?

Liberal money talks. Really loud. Conservative money, well....it's a bit quieter. And misogynistic, which we all know is unacceptable. Unacceptable I tell ya. Especially if you're a fat guy with an addiction problem who happens to be conservative.

Well, two out of three ain't bad. But you won't be catching me calling any woman a...well....pick your pejorative. I won't use 'em.

Unless I think they're funny and will cause  my readership to increase.

I mean it's not like you can force my sponsors to pull their ads. Unless you'd like to find me some advertisers. There must be some companies out there who'd be proud to sponsor the Chronicle.

I just hope they do it soon or the only ads I run are likely to be for Depends®.

There's still a chance I could interest Smirnoff® in buying some space here. They've certainly taken up enough space in my liver. Don't misunderstand, I am not an alcoholic. I just happen to like martinis now and then. Well, not now, I mean it's 1:17 in the morning and I'm sleepy. But then, now that's a different story entirely. Smirnoff®, Gordon's® and I have had many great thens. With luck, we'll have a few more before my organs pack up and move out.

My organs and I have had some good times too, but I fear I may have given them the wrong idea some years ago, the idea they could head for the great outdoors whenever they wished. It all started that day in July '76 when I vented my spleen.

It was so hot I was actually sweating internally, and I naturally figured a little venting might do me good. Unfortunately my spleen saw a big beautiful world through the vents and has been actively trying to escape ever since.

 I heard a rumor my organs were planning a breakout last December, but it never happened. My heart wasn't in it.



Copyright © 2012 thehumorsmithchronicle

25 comments:

  1. Laughing really loudly right now- great stuff!

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  2. Don't forget that Sara Palin was a public figure whereas Sandra Fluke was not. Still, there should be no place for this type of language in our public discourse, even though it brings in big bucks.

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  3. How does being a public figure make that all right? Fluke is a shill for the liberals who deliberately chose to attend Georgetown so she could do battle against their healthcare policies. This country has more important things to worry about than a radio host calling someone names.

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  4. For the record, I don't really follow or understand american politics, or politics in general, truth be told.
    But, I do know funny, and I LOVE the whole spleen analogy.

    Smitty, you know what goes good with vodka?
    Irish cream whiskey and a sultry vixon.

    Just saying...

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  5. She was a "shill who deliberately chose to attend Georgetown so she could do battle against their healthcare policies?"    Are you out of your fucking mind?

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  6. Quote from a Washington Post interview with Ms. Fluke a while back.

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  7. WaPo.  That figures.  So Ms. Fluke is clairvoyant and knew that sometime in the future the President would order insurance paid birth control.  She waited patiently and then sprung.  I never tire of the conspiracy theories the right is able to manufacture.  

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  8. Not what I'm sayin' at all. The fact she's an activist points to her wanting to "slay a dragon". GU seemed like a good target. The coincidence of Obamacare is just that...a coincidence. How many people who get insulted by a talk show host get calls from POTUS? While everyone is busy trying to make sure no one is ever called a bad name, the work of this administration continues unchecked. Now can we still be friends?

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  9. Of course we're still friends.  GU, by the way, issued a statement in support of Ms. Fluke and condemning Limbaugh.  

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  10. I could use a good spleen venting. LOL! I don't understand why some men use any of the mentioned derogatory words in their commentaries on women. Why do they feel it necessary to add these colorful descriptive words to emphasize their points? We shouldn't receive special treatment.

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  11. When you mentioned Smirnoff, I immediately thought of my friend Yakov. Hope you're doing well.

    Catch My Words
    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/

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  12. They did do that. They also said in life threatening such as Ms. Fluke described, of course they would allow contraceptives to be prescribed.

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  13. I'm not a fan of either variety of punditry, and don't like Maher any more than Limbaugh. I remember seeing Maher's show a long time ago, and what stuck with me most was his propensity to make jokes about the women he disagreed with's weight and appearance. Cheap and degrading, not funny. That said I can very clearly and easily see a world of difference between calling somebody a cunt and calling somebody a slut.  Honey, a cunt is just a body part.  It's not a real thing a person can actually be, and calling somebody one doesn't carry any specific connotations - it's just a shorthand way of saying you don't like them, the equivalent of "that guy's a dick". Calling a woman a slut, however, is not only casting very specific and very deliberate dispersions on her character, but putting yourself in the position of acting as her moral judge.  That's the equivalent of calling a guy an abuser or a pedophile - it makes an actual, specific reference to specific behavior. Rush Limbaugh wasn't saying he didn't like her, he was making a pronouncement about her very intimate and personal morality, and the larger more important point is that neither he nor anybody has any right to make that pronouncement. Judging women by their sexual lives leads to controlling women's sexuality (as this situation very clearly illustrates), and that's simply not justifiable.  If he'd called her a cunt I wouldn't give a damn, because he does have every right not to like her and to express that however crudely as he might wish.  I'm not going to argue the point that name calling is never nice - we agree there - but these apples and oranges you present do not a comparable situation make.

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  14. I will clarify that I didn't mean it's like calling a guy an abuser or pedophile in every resepct - only in the referential quality of the word.  There of course is no equivalent shaming word for men's sexuality.  While it actually is wrong to be abusive or regard children as sexually attractive, there is nothing wrong with a mature woman exercising her sexuality with consentual partners as she sees fit, and the very fact that Limbaugh and others attempt to use a word as a label to shame a woman for her choices - presumed or otherwise - that's the heart of the issue.  Not the name calling itself.

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  15. Calling a woman a c*** is just as much a slur on her character and behavior as calling her a slut. One carries a connotation of promiscuous sexual behavior, the other a connotation of unpleasant social behavior, and further it reduces the woman in question to a thing, a body part with no value as a human being. I find both objectionable.

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  16. I am well thanks Joyce. I trust you are doing fine as well and taking time to sniff the kitty butts. Sorry, I mean flowers.

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  17. "We shouldn't receive special treatment." That's priceless Lauren.

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  18. Semantics. Whether a woman is assigned the status of a body part or a whore, the terms are still degrading and are meant to hurt. Just because it may offend certain women less to be labeled a c*** than a slut doesn't mean one is naturally more acceptable than the other. They are both judgment calls. Even given one is a direct attack on private behavior (though not always) and the other on public behavior, they are both demeaning. Bottom line is no one has the right to judge anyone, but it has always happened and always will.

    In relationships, role playing often occurs, and sometimes the man may request the woman to act slutty. I know of no man who has ever requested his mate to act like a c*** while making love.No person needs a label, sexual or social.And since this is my soapbox and I think we've covered the subject pretty well, I will end it here. Thanks for reading tatty and your comments are respectfully considered and appreciated always.

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  19. You clearly didn't read any of the women's experiences I suggested. Comparing what they went through with sex play is degrading and cruel.  At any rate, you're suggesting that a man who had his entire show cancelled when he said something politically incorrect is receiving preferential treatment to a man who merely lost sponsors, so there really are absolutely no grounds your arguments stands up on anyway.

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  20. What part of "I will end it" did you not get? Enough already.

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  21. I am not a fan of either comedian both to me seem to do all they can to drum up artifcal controversy for no reason than to be ass hats.

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