Wednesday, March 14, 2012
What Did You Call Me?
If you're a fat conservative with a radio show you're not funny. If you're a middle-aged liberal in $1000 dollar suits with an HBO show you are funny.
It's a shame Rush Limbaugh didn't know that before he called Sandra Fluke a slut. But then why would he think he'd get in trouble after Bill Maher called Sarah Palin a c*** and a twat and the Obama-lama-ding-dongs happily accepted his million dollar donation to their Super PAC?
Liberal money talks. Really loud. Conservative money, well....it's a bit quieter. And misogynistic, which we all know is unacceptable. Unacceptable I tell ya. Especially if you're a fat guy with an addiction problem who happens to be conservative.
Well, two out of three ain't bad. But you won't be catching me calling any woman a...well....pick your pejorative. I won't use 'em.
Unless I think they're funny and will cause my readership to increase.
I mean it's not like you can force my sponsors to pull their ads. Unless you'd like to find me some advertisers. There must be some companies out there who'd be proud to sponsor the Chronicle.
I just hope they do it soon or the only ads I run are likely to be for Depends®.
There's still a chance I could interest Smirnoff® in buying some space here. They've certainly taken up enough space in my liver. Don't misunderstand, I am not an alcoholic. I just happen to like martinis now and then. Well, not now, I mean it's 1:17 in the morning and I'm sleepy. But then, now that's a different story entirely. Smirnoff®, Gordon's® and I have had many great thens. With luck, we'll have a few more before my organs pack up and move out.
My organs and I have had some good times too, but I fear I may have given them the wrong idea some years ago, the idea they could head for the great outdoors whenever they wished. It all started that day in July '76 when I vented my spleen.
It was so hot I was actually sweating internally, and I naturally figured a little venting might do me good. Unfortunately my spleen saw a big beautiful world through the vents and has been actively trying to escape ever since.
I heard a rumor my organs were planning a breakout last December, but it never happened. My heart wasn't in it.
Copyright © 2012 thehumorsmithchronicle