Thursday, October 18, 2012
I think I had an "Aha!" moment today, um yesterday now since it's 1 in the friggin' morning. And for once it was "Aha!" rather than a-ha, which has always struck me as strange. That I would have a-ha moments so often is more than a bit inexplicable to me considering I only know them from these two songs. My mind is an uncontrolled, if not uncharted space.
But: "Aha!" I realized that the reason for my exit from so many crappy, stinky and unrewarding jobs over the years was nothing more or less than the universe kicking me in the balls repeatedly until I finally got it. I get it! I am not "normal" whatever the definition of that may be. I despise working for small-minded people in small-minded companies. Doesn't matter how expensive and pretty the broom is, at the end of the day you're still sweeping up the same dirt.
But then what to do? Silly me...I have been doing it all my life, and doing it in public for 4 years and counting now. It's writing! I wrote a while back that I resented the suggestion that where I am at this point in life is exactly where I asked to be. Feh! That's not true, I did not ask to live like this. I....um....well okay, full disclosure. I chose this.
Yep, everything that has happened to me or is going to happen is a result of choices I made and will make. Ha! I can't tell you how angry I am at me. Wow, you should have heard the stern talking to I gave myself. If I were more limber I would have taken me to the woodshed and warmed my bottom for me. That would teach me. It would teach me never to go to a woodshed with strange men.
So the result of a long series of firings, quittings, bankruptcy and divorce is that I am now the poster child for downward mobility. It also means I have so very little at this point I literally have nothing to lose. See, that's the advantage to being down but not out: you don't have a whole lot to worry about. That's actually kinda funny as when I heard all those self-help gurus telling me to simplify, simplify, simplify all those years I wasn't truly seeing the whole picture. I was still a slave to objects. Why did I keep all those shitty jobs? So I could buy more stuff. Now everybody repeat after me: "Aha!"
Today, no job and no stuff aside from the basics. Now here's what I want to offer to you: I am going to continue blogging, but now I have a specific goal in mind. I want to finally do what I was put here to do, and that's give what I have to give to as many people as possible. I am going to blog with a specific goal in mind, and I'd love it if you all came along with me. This is the first blog post of the rest of my life.
I'll let you in on something else that happened yesterday, along with my "Aha!" I started my book. Well, not necessarily my book, more a book, but it's begun. I will make it available as an e-book.
Maybe that's one reason it took me so long to get to this place; maybe all the things I needed to happen and align have finally done so. Certainly I can dispense with the heartbreak of publisher rejection letters. Ain't none, and how about that for some ungrammatical happy news?
E-books mean no rejection letters, a streamlined publishing process and it means when the book is done it will be almost instantly available. Where it goes from there is out of my hands, but I'll tell you what, I have faith in the outcome. See, that's something else I learned a long time ago and forgot about for decades because I started listening to the "normal" world when it told me I had to work at something I hated just to spend some time doing what I loved. Well bullshit! I am only doing what I love from here on. Life is short baby, and for me it's a lot shorter than it was ten years ago. No going back, they don't give you return tickets on this line, all you do is keep your eyes on the track ahead.
Choo choo babies!
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