Sunday, December 16, 2012

Random Thoughts

Life. It's what's for dinner.

Man, eating cereal at night just seems wrong.

I have an idea for a book. It's about a mouse who's the perfect homemaker. She can cook, clean, decorate, sew, host parties beyond anything you've ever seen and at the end of the day still be as fresh as tomorrow's flowers.

It's entitled, "Martha Stuart Little".

I also am talking with the government about sending  missionaries to Egypt to convert Muslim Brotherhood fanatics to Christianity. It'll be called Mission Impossible. That's an idea that has potential. It started as an impossible dream. I got the inspiration from my buddy Don. He lives on a windmill farm in Arizona and has plenty of time to think, at least when he's not fighting off coyotes. He's pretty successful at that too, which is why folks in the area call him "Don Coyote".

I have another friend who owns a dog training business for female dogs. She is kind and gentle, but she came up with this training aid that makes loud slapping noises for dogs that are particularly difficult to train. The slapping noise scares the hell out of the girl dogs and makes them sit right up and pay attention. She's got a great name for the gadget too. The "bitch slapper".

I was going to open a savings and loan that catered strictly to life insurance agents, but the name LifeSavers was already taken, and AgentSavers just isn't as catchy. It's a shame too as I would probably make a mint.

Also on the drawing board: a small robot that catches baseballs. I'm going to call the little guy "Catchy". The slogan will be, "the automated catch machine". I just need to come up with the perfect pitch for the toy manufacturers.

I've designed a little friend for the robot, a clown. He's called "Catchy's Clown". I think it'll be a hit.

Copyright © 2012 thehumorsmithchronicle

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