Holding My Own Hand

It's easy to get lulled into a false sense of security when you're single, and begin thinking you have plenty of time to find someone to be with. Easy because of the plethora of dating sites, how to date books, Dr.Phil clones and the naked women of the Internet. Over the past 18 months, the only relationship I've had is with my computer. Not very emotionally fulfilling, but on the plus side there is an off switch.

Maybe, just maybe this whole love thing is overrated. If it was supposed to happen, then would it be so tough to find? I'm here to tell you, all those avenues to finding companionship result in a bunch of dead ends. The street of romance needs better signs. Either that, or we need to stop the clown who keeps taking down the "do not enter" signs, because I keep fetching up against the wall of "nope, nothing happening for you here, move on". My hood is dented, my headlights are dim and I burned oil like crazy until I discovered the way to not waste time: don't spend any. Right. Just give up, lock the door, turn on the dvd player and you're good to not go.

Sure, it's a slothful existence, but it saves a bunch of wear on the heart. Cowardly you say? And what's wrong with being a chicken? Along with a skewed view of love,popular entertainment has given us all these heroic images, and they are a crock. I do not have a latex batsuit in the closet, and the closest I have to a gun is a toy I got years ago. Wait...now that I think about it, sloths find love too. Why else would there be so many of them?

Forgive the cynicism, but every day another little bit of my belief in romance falls off and shrivels like an ant under a magnifying glass. Don't be misled, though, I still have hope. In fact, I did see the perfect relationship once.That's just a wee bit more of a sacrifice than I'm willing to make though. I mean, c'mon. Pottery classes?


Copyright ©  2008 thehumorsmithchronicle

Juggling Happiness

"Welcome to the petri dish that is my life."- HumorSmith

"Ohhhh, Rob!"- Laura Petrie (spelled differently, but still a dish)


Life is an ongoing experiment; you should never stop reaching and striving and growing. Holy crap...I'm exhausted. Quick survey: all of you who are exactly where you want to be in your life journey, and thoroughly satisfied,raise your hands. Liars!

See, when you say it's all fine and you're happy, then things stop with that and you stay frozen on that particular rung. Just another cosmic joke folks. If you think you're happy you're wrong. Nothing wrong with being satisfied; it's complacency you have to watch out for. But don't take my word for it. Check out the self help section at your neighborhood Barnes and Noble; the space is enormous. If there are that many satisfied people, then why are so many searching for the answer? 'Cause we're a bunch of whiny bastards.

What if an answer doesn't exist? If it does, it'll be different for everyone, so the books just keep coming. I say why sweat? Take each day and each event as it is, and try to learn something. We're making it all too hard. Life is for having fun, because it's finite, and wasting too much effort is counterproductive.

I suppose you could have too much fun, and if you do, call me. I'll be right over. I funned my way right out of a relationship, and I bet I'm not the only one to have that experience. It's okay, though. Relationships are like buses; they'll run your ass over if you jaywalk.

People have a tendency to think too much and feel too little and that leads to trouble, or financial success.Ever notice how it's almost impossible to get everything in your life functioning smoothly at the same time? We are all inept jugglers, and the noise you hear is breaking plates, or in my case, smashed balls.I have been financially successful and loved, but not all at once. Things invariably started springing leaks so much I was frantically sticking my fingers in the dike, and she didn't like that at all.

I admit to being adrift on the dating sea. Unfortunately of late, my ship has been the SS Minnow. The last woman I was seeing kissed me passionately, talked endlessly about almost everything, laughed at my jokes, held my hand, and after three dates ended it because she was looking for more. More what? Give me a clue...how much more fun can there be? Passionate kisses apparently don't mean what they used to. I blame it on the Internet, only because it's unthinkable to believe it was me. After all, I am fun with a capital P.

This all leaves me with a strong desire to forge ahead in whatever career I next find myself. I certainly won't have any plates to distract me. Or balls.

Copyright ©  2008 thehumorsmithchronicle